Take Me Home
by Vanilla-Daydream97
Summary: She was probably the most embarrassing and incompetent girl to ever grace Middle Earth, but it was her idiocy that seemed to draw him in. Kili/OC
1. Bloody Harry Potter References

_(A/N) Hello my fluffy, little cherubs! So, as you can probably tell, this is my first Hobbit fanfic, and I'm kinda nervous 'cos there's a massive probability that it's going to turn out to be a load of utter bullshit, but I thought I'd at least give it a try.  
>Before I start I would like to warn you all that this is based more off the films rather than the book, since I'm a lazy fucker and basing it off the films was easier. That, and as fabulous as the book was, I have to admit, I'm basically in love with the films...even if they do tend to stray a bit from the book.<br>Also, I'm sorry for all the dialogue from the film. I tried to cut a lot of it out so it wouldn't get too repetitive and shit since we all know what happens, but there's still a canny bit of the film dialogue in it.  
>Annnnd that's about it. Oh! From now on these little authors-note thingies will be put at the end of the chapter.<br>__Oh, and please review, favourite and follow! ;3_

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><p>Take Me Home<p>

_Chapter 1 – Bloody Harry Potter References_

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><p><em>Ahem.<em>

When Flora Milburn woke up on the dull, grey Tuesday our story starts, there was nothing about the cloudy sky outside to suggest that strange and mysterious things would soon be happeni-

Hang on a bloody second! That's basically the start of the first Harry Potter book! This is meant to be my story! Not sodding Harry Potter! And it wasn't even a Tuesday when it happened! Although, I am Flora Milburn, I guess I got that bit right.

I suppose I'd better fill you in quickly, so here it goes. Currently, I am sitting in the middle of a hobbit hole, surrounded by a bunch of males, and whilst this would usually be a good thing, right now, it most certainly isn't. Not only are they all male, they are also _dwarves, _and at the present time, not only are they chucking plates, spoons and who-knows-what-else over everyone's heads, they are also _singing. _

Yes. Singing.

Something about blunting knives or whatever. I don't know. I don't really care. I'm too busy trying to figure out how I got into this bloody predicament in the first place. There I was sitting in my bedroom back home, on planet earth I might add, when suddenly there's this massive gust of wind that suddenly fills the room. At first I had panicked, thinking it was a hurricane or something, but then I realised I lived in England, and the only weather we get that is considered dangerous is when once a year there's like a 5 inch flood and then everyone starts panicking, calling it the apocalypse and shit. So after realizing that it wasn't a hurricane, I started panicking _again_ thinking it was going to be something like Paranormal Activity, what with all my furniture flying around the ceiling. Only then this sort of wind-whirlpooly-tornado-thing appeared in the middle of my room. And I got sucked into it. And landed in the middle of a mucky puddle, which was, thankfully, right next to some old crackpot fool called Gandalf who seemed to deem himself a wizard. I didn't believe him at first. I mean who would. But then he did this cool trick with his staff thingy and suddenly I was convinced. _That _was when he proceeded to tell me that I was now in Middle Earth and that he had no idea what had happened but somehow I must have been sucked through some portal thingy and that I would have to accompany him on some journey thingy until he found a way to get me back home. And then I fainted.

Now, don't laugh, you! Surely you would faint too if you'd just found out you'd been transported to a completely different world. And the most worrying thing is, is that after five minutes of being in this place, I couldn't remember anything about back home. Other than how I got here. And what my name is. And where I came from. And some film references. Like Harry Potter. And Paranormal Activity. Oh, and also the shitty weather of England. But that was about it.

I think.

Anyways, yeah, so now I'm here in this hobbit hole. Don't ask me how I got here. I just remember blacking out in that puddle and then appearing in a cushy armchair next to a lovely, roaring fire with a bunch of rowdy men in the next room, who upon seeing I was awake, ushered me into the dining room for supper. Seriously, though. _Who _eats supper anymore? I just eat whenever I fancy it. Although I don't fancy eating right now, these men eat like _pigs._

'SMACK!'

And that was the sound of a cheese slice bouncing off my forehead, which, at this point, was feeling very contaminated. Whoever threw it is a bloody sod. Honestly, what kind of man throws cheese at a woman? A one who's clearly not going to get laid anytime soon, honestly...

Not one of them had actually spoken to me yet. Other than Bofur, I think that's what his name was. The one with the funny hat. He's the one who'd basically dragged me into the dining room for food, claiming that I'd better 'tuck in before this lot demolish it, lass,' or something like that. He was right. They'd pretty much cleared the poor hobbits whole house of food. And ale. Which, might I add, is horrible and disgusting. One of the dwarves (the blonde haired one with the fabulous braided moustache) had offered me some when he was climbing all over the table. He'd called me lady dwarf.

Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention I'm also a dwarf now. Fan-bloody-tastic. It's not like I was that tall to begin with. Thankfully, though, the rest of my appearance had stayed pretty much the same. I still had the same black hair (thank God for that, it had taken me ages to grow it long), and the same green eyes. Although, as I'd studied my reflection in the back of a spoon, I'd had a small panic thinking my nose had grown about a foot, but then I remembered that spoons always make reflections look slightly disproportionate. _Slightly. _I'd already had a big nose to begin with. Stupid genes.

"Oi, lass, you feeling well?" Bofur asked, withdrawing from the flute he had just been playing a second ago. Where he'd whipped that out from, I have no idea.

Instead of answering him properly, I merely cleared my throat, nodded my head, and then proceeded to smile in what I hoped was polite manner, although knowing me I probably looked more constipated than courteous. "Ah, you're just feeling a bit tired then, aye? Nah, don't worry, lass, as soon as Thorin turns up, it'll be one tiny meeting and then we'll call it a night. Want a nice an' early start tomorrow." God. Tomorrow. Apparently, from what Gandalf had told me, we were off to reclaim a Lonely Mountain or something like that. But reclaim it from what? I had no idea. Hopefully by the time the dwarves reclaimed it, I would be long gone, back to where I came from. I think the most important question here is, how the bloody hell can a mountain be _lonely?  
><em>

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><p>After the whole singing and dancing and throwing round plates episode, in which the hobbit (I think his name was Gilbo or Fribbo or...something) seriously looked like he was going to throw himself out of a window, there was a knock at the door, followed by a hushed and rather tense silence. And that's when the Thorin bloke arrived, and as soon as he laid eyes on me, I could tell that the dislike he held for me was rather strong. I have no idea why. I hadn't even said anything to him yet. He just seemed to really dislike me.<p>

"Gandalf," He started, in an incredibly majestic voice which pretty much matched his majestic hair, "I thought you said this place was easy to find? I lost my way. Twice." God, for someone so majestic, he mustn't have had a very good sense of direction. Although, I can't really talk, I'm pretty much sure Gandalf basically carried me here, considering I was out cold. "Wouldn't have found it at all had it not been for that mark on the door."

"Mark? There's no mark on that door, it was painted a week ago!" Poor Fribbo. I really did feel bad for the little guy, having to put up with all these dwarves and _then_ finding out that someone's apparently put graffiti on his front door.

"There is a mark. I put it there myself," Gandalf answered, "Bilbo Baggins-" Oh...so he wasn't called Fribbo after all. "-allow me to introduce you to the leader of our company, Thorin Oakenshield." And from there, the night only got worse. After mocking Bilbo, who apparently had some skill at conkers, or so he claimed, we all gathered round the dining room table again, only this time thankfully there were no flying plates, cutlery, or even cheese, for that matter. They all began to discuss something that sounded incredibly important. It was actually quite hard to keep up. I managed to catch a few words such as 'Ered Luin', 'Iron Hills', 'quest' and the mention of this 'Lonely Mountain' again. Apparently it was a place. Erebor, or something like that. None of this really mattered to me much, though, the only thing that managed to catch my attention was the mention of a 'beast'. Thankfully, it was Bilbo who voiced my worry, "Uh, what beast?"

"Well, that would be reference to Smaug the Terrible," Bofur began, "Chiefest and greatest calamity of our age. Airborne fire-breather, teeth like razors, claws like meathooks, extremely fond of precious metals-"

"Yes, I know what a dragon is," Bilbo interrupted.

Dragons, eh? "Just like in Harry Potter," I whispered, earning an odd look from the dwarf who was sitting opposite me. I think he was the brother of the bloke with the fabulous braided moustache.

From there on out, there was a lot of shouting. Although my favourite part of the meeting was when the brown haired dwarf who'd looked oddly at me before, reassured the rest of the group that Gandalf had clearly killed plenty of dragons, to which the old wizard began to stutter, "Oh, well, now, uh, I-I-I wouldn't say that, I-" And then he was cut off by more chaos.

These dwarves were a rowdy bunch, let me tell you that. And Thorin was definitely a majestic guy. He managed to calm the dwarves down by making some majestic speech. It was actually quite inspiring, but...er..I can't really remember what he was saying now. I just know that I got goosebumps when he was speaking. But of course someone had to ruin the moment. And that someone was the white haired dwarf with the funny beard.

I think his name was Balin or something.

Anyways, "You forget," He started, "The front gate is sealed. There is no way into the mountain,"

"That, my dear Balin, is not entirely true." Gandalf said in a very mysterious manner, I must say. I wish I could do that. Be mysterious. I usually just blab all my secrets away during the first conversation with people, so I have nothing left to be mysterious about.

There was a pause, I suspect for dramatic effect, before Gandalf produced a key, and everyone's gaze lay upon it. I _personally_ didn't understand what the big deal was, but then again, I'm not from here, am I?

"How came you by this?" Thorin questioned, gazing at the key in wonder.

"It was given to me by your father, by Thrain, for safekeeping. It is yours now." Gandalf handed the key to Thorin.

"If there is a key, there must be a door," Braided-moustache guy stated, as Gandalf pointed to the runes on the map that sat in front him.

"These runes speak of a hidden passage to the lower halls."

"There's another way in!" Brother to braided-moustache guy exclaimed. Meh, he reminded me a bit of a puppy, in a good way of course.

How can being compared to a puppy _not _be a good thing? They're bloody adorable, the fluffy little buggers.

"Well, if we can find it, but dwarf doors are invisible when closed." Gandalf stated. To be honest, I didn't see the point of this invisible door thing. It sounded stupid to me. "The answer lies hidden somewhere in this map, and I do not have the skill to find it. But there are others in Middle Earth who can. The task I have in mind will require a great deal of stealth, and no small amount of courage. But, if we are careful and clever, I believe it can be done." And that was when everyone rounded on Bilbo again, the poor bloke. Apparently he was going to be our burglar on this quest thing, although he seemed adamant he wasn't coming, and that was when the dwarves became rowdy again. There was a lot of shouting, Gandalf did some scary magic shit, Bilbo was given a contract thing to sign, and then he fainted.

Yep. Fainted.

He was out cold.

And whilst all the other dwarves helped him onto a chair before going off to do their own thing, Thorin beckoned at Gandalf to follow him, before heading out of the dining room and into the kitchen.

Now, I could have done either two things here. Stay with the rest of the dwarves, who were laughing, jostling each other about and overall just giving me a headache, or I could follow Gandalf. I chose the latter. Well, I _did_, but it was upon hearing the annoyed voice of Thorin that I paused at the entrance of the kitchen, just out of sight.

"-I'm telling you Gandalf, that she-dwarf has no place in our company. We have no need of her and I will _not_ allow her to hold us back on our quest," That was Thorin. The majestic git.

"And I'm telling _you, _Thorin, that Flora will be coming along whether you allow it or not." Gandalf countered, and I couldn't help but cheer silently. "I have agreed to help her, with what, I cannot say, but until I have fulfilled my duty to her, she will be part of the company. I cannot guarantee that she will be of any help-"

Thorin snorted, "She will only be a distraction,"

"She may yet manage to prove herself, Thorin," Gandalf replied, "She may-"

"Y'know, it's not nice to eavesdrop..."

"MOTHER FU-" I clamped my hand over my mouth, before spinning round to face whoever had just crept up on me. It was the braided moustache guy's brother. The puppy. And he had a rather mischievous grin on his face. "It's not nice to sneak up on people either!" I retorted, placing a hand on my increased heart beat. He'd scared the bejesus out of me.

"Apologies, lady dwarf, I didn't mean to scare you," He began, before adding "Wouldn't have had to sneak up on you if you hadn't of been eavesdropping, though," Meh. He had a point. "So, does this she-dwarf have a name?" Does this she-dwarf have a name? _Does this she-dwarf have a name? _Of course I had a bloody name! I wasn't just going to walk round nameless, now, was I? But of course, I didn't voice my thoughts. Mainly because he was kind of hot.

"Flora," I answered, and rather shyly too, which is odd as usually I'm never shy.

"Kili at your service," He replied, bowing. I would have bowed too, only I was worried in case I looked weird, "And that fool over there is my brother, Fili," He said, pointing to the blond-moustache guy who currently looked as though he was trying to communicate to Bifur through interpretive dance. "So what brings you on this quest?"

Gandalf had warned me not to tell anyone of my predicament. He said that they'd probably think I was losing my marbles or something if I told them I'd be transported from a different world. But I wasn't the best of liars, in fact, I had no idea what to was there to say? '_Oh y'know just fancied a little vacation so I decided to come on this life-threatening journey_'? No. So instead I just stayed silent, aware of how stupid I must have looked. Kili, however, merely shrugged it off, and continued onto a new topic, "You any good with a bow, then?" I shook my head. "An axe?" Nope. "A blade?" Nu-uh. "I had a feeling you weren't going to be much of a fighter,"

"And _what _is that supposed to mean?" I demanded, firing up at once, and suddenly feeling quite offended at his assumption. It may have been true, but he had no right to think that I was pretty much useless when it came to fighting. He didn't know anything about me. He hadn't even _seen _me fight! Not that...er...he would want to. I had a feeling that me in a fight would mainly just consist of me crying and getting beat up. Still, I wasn't about to tell _him _that.

"N-nothing at all, my lady, just that women aren't usu-"

"Women aren't usually what?" He was looking nervous now. "Women aren't usually _what? _Go on! Out with it!" I suppose after today's events, his comments were the last straw, and so the poor little puppy was going to have to deal with all the backlash.

"Just that women like yourself aren't usually very skilled when it comes to weapons and fi-"

"Keep talking, and you'll find out just how skilled I am with my fists, matey," I growled, before stomping off to join the rest of the dwarves, leaving a wide eyed and open mouthed Kili standing frozen on the spot. I was thankful that none of the other dwarves had taken notice of my little temper tantrum. The feeling of embarrassment washed over me almost as soon as I'd left poor Kili behind, but I wasn't about to apologize _now. _No. I was probably never going to talk to him again. Not after the shame of how badly our first conversation went. Although, to be fair to me, it was kind of rude of him to assume something like that. Sure, I was about as much use as a potato on a stick, but I didn't really want to be reminded of that. He didn't need to...rub it in my _face, _the git. Maybe he could have been a bit more tactful? Although, I seriously doubted any of these dwarves were tactful, not after hearing how their leader had spoken to poor Bilbo, and the fact that I was going to have to spend the next few days with these tactless dwarves did not make me feel any better.

Honestly...if Gandalf hasn't found a way to send me back home by tomorrow morning, then shit will hit the roof.

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><p><em>(AN) I'm aware this chapter seems really fast paced since I was just trying to skip the majority of the film dialogue, but I promise future chapters will be much more normal-paced.  
>Oh, and again please review so I know whether to continue this or not ;3<em>


	2. I Could Ride You All Day

Take Me Home

_Chapter 2 – I Could Ride You All Day_

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><p>As it turns out, the next morning, Gandalf had <em>not <em>found a way to send me home. And...er...shit did not hit the roof, as I had so beautifully stated, because as we all know, I'm all talk and no action. When I had awoken that morning, however, it literally felt as though I'd only _just _fallen asleep, and I couldn't help but inwardly curse Bofur as he gently shook me, muttering "Rise and shine, lassie, it's about time we set off." And for some reason he was smiling. _Why _was he smiling? It was morning! Mornings are awful...especially early mornings, like this one, God, I felt like punching everything and everyone in sight, but of course, I didn't, because I am not a git.

After a quick bite to eat, the dwarves filed out the hobbit hole one by one, and as I stepped out into the early morning air, I came across my first problem.

Ponies.

Now, don't get me wrong, I like ponies, they're cute. And fluffy. But riding a dragon would have probably been easier for me than riding a pony. Animals just didn't really like me. At all. Thankfully, however, someone seemed to notice my dilemma. Only that somebody had to be the person I'd went off on one with last night.

I admit, I'm still slightly embarrassed at snapping at Kili, it was a bit drama-queenish of me. But c'mon, I was facing a traumatic experience. I'd been zapped into an unknown world, and I barely had any recollection of my old one. I had to lose my marbles for a bit at some point, right? But _why _for the love of God did I have to lose my marbles at the hot one? _Why?_

Anyways, ignore my inner meltdown, because that was when previously mentioned dwarf came sidling up to me, with that stupid bloody grin on his face. "What seems to be the problem, Miss Flora?" I didn't bothering answering, and he seemed to take this as his cue to continue speaking, "If you're worried about the ponies, you could ride with me. It wouldn't be a problem, y'know,"

Hm. That was rather nice of him. A little _too _nice of him. Maybe he felt bad about offending me last night? Or maybe he just thought I was a simpleton? Who knows? "Er...yes...that would be...smashing," Smashing? _Smashing!? _Oh, Jesus, Joseph and Mary. What was happening to me?

"Hop on then," He said, swinging himself up onto the pony and holding his hand out for me to grab onto.

I am ashamed to say that it took three other dwarves to help me get onto that pony.

And even then I wasn't happy.

"Nope, get me off, I don't like it," I immediately said as we began to move forward. Not only was it uncomfortable, but despite it only being a pony, I felt quite a high way up off the ground. "God, this is awful, I feel like someone's shoved a stick up my ar-"

"You can hold onto me if it makes you feel safer, Miss Flora, I won't raise any objections," Kili interrupted, and I could tell by the tone of his voice he was smirking. God, I was making a complete and total fool of myself. Beside him, his brother chuckled, muttering 'Smooth', as he and his pony trotted off to join Bofur, who was riding just in front of us. Whatever he was commenting on about being smooth, I bet it wasn't as _smooth _or as fabulous as his moustache. God, I wish I had one like that. Well, if I was a _boy _I'd want one like that. I don't want one now. I'm still a girl for goodness sakes.

"If I die I'm holding you responsible," I muttered, before hesitantly placing my hands on Kili's waist. It felt funny. I don't know why. It kind of made me feel flustered too, to be this close to a hot guy, but who cares, it wasn't as if I was going to be here long enough to do anything, right? "Oh, and about last night," I started. Since he was being so nice to me, letting me ride with him and shit, I thought I might as well make an effort, "I'm sorry for being all snappy and shi-...er...stuff. I was just tired,"

"Nah, it's fine, it's nothing compared to Fili's tantrums when he's tired," Kili stated, chuckling as his brother turned round and shot him a warning look. "And I was thinking, if you're really that bad, I could teach you fight. If you wanted, that is. I doubt you could wield an axe...a blade would probably suit your build more,"

"You think?" I asked, smiling to myself. I have to admit, Kili was starting to seem kind of sweet. Not to mention his hair was fabulous. Maybe not as majestic as Thorin's, but it was still damn nice. I began to twirl it around my fingers, absentmindedly. It was surprisingly soft.

"Is that a blush I see, laddie?" Came Bofur's voice just ahead of us. Peeking around Kili's shoulders, I saw he was looking over his shoulder at the two of us. Kili? Blushing? I prodded his cheek to see if it was true. He did feel rather warm.

"Ah, the last time I saw him blush was when he was-" Fili began, before being rudely interrupted by the blushing boy himself.

"Shut up, you!"

"Everyone quiet! We will have no more distractions on our journey," Thorin called, sounding rather gruff and annoyed. God, about ten minutes into the journey and he was already pissed off. I wonder how much longer this was going to take. And it's not as if there was anything to distract us from. We hadn't even left the Shire properly yet. Yep. I'd found out what this place was called. _The shire. _It had a nice ring to it.

"Oi, Kili" I whispered, prodding him in the back, "How much longer d'you reckon this is going to take?"

"What do you mean, Miss Flora?"

"I mean, are we by any chance nearly there yet?"

He decided to ignore my enquiry.

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><p>Half an hour later, and not only were we not nearly there yet, but Bilbo had turned up. Secretly, I was thrilled, mainly because with Bilbo here, it meant that I wasn't the only useless one in the company. That and he was a sweetheart, bless him. In fact, the only person who didn't seem impressed with Bilbo's arrival was Thorin. Then again, I hadn't seen him crack a smile <em>once <em>since meeting him. I doubt he was ever really impressed with anything.

But enough of Thorin, though, the grumpy git, I was more focused on Bilbo. You have no idea how amusing it was to see him sitting on the pony, stiff as a board with the most hilarious expression on his face. It would be an understatement to say he looked uncomfortable riding that pony. I didn't really understand why, though. Once you got used to them, they were kinda' cute, and fun. At that thought, I patted the pony Kili and I were currently sat upon, stroking its mane. "I could ride you all day,"

There was a loud '_You_ WHAT!?' and the sound of someone falling, and when I next looked up, there was Fili lying flat on his back whilst his pony kept pressing on forward, apparently unaware she'd just lost her rider.

"Er...I-I meant the pony..." I stuttered, blushing at the unintentional innuendo, whilst Bofur and Kili roared with laughter.

"Aye, you'd better have meant the pony, lass," Fili grumbled, cursing as he stomped off to catch up with his pony, throwing warning looks over his shoulder. I couldn't tell if he was really mad or whether he was just teasing.

"Oi! We'll have none of that language around the lady!" Kili called after him, chuckling as his brother merely shot him a death-glare over his shoulder. These dwarves had filthy minds. Honestly...I would have been offended if it wasn't so bloody funny. Bilbo, however, looked quite affronted. I suppose hobbits weren't used to this sort of behaviour.

After a few minutes of silence, in which everyone had settled down again, Kili decided to move onto a more appropriate topic of conversation. "Where was it you said you were from again, Flora?" Thank God he had dropped the 'miss' part. While it was amusing at first to be constantly referred to as 'lady Flora' or even, 'miss Flora', it had begun to get slightly tiresome.

"Uh..I-I didn't," I bit my lip, hoping he wouldn't press the issue any further. Why hadn't I consulted Gandalf before about coming up with a reliable back story? _Why?_ What was I to do? What if he asked me again? What if he became suspicious? I had to change the subject. "N-Nice weather we're having,"

Smooth. _Real _smooth.

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><p>After the little incident with the innuendo, I'd decided to keep my mouth shut for the rest of the journey. This seemed to suit everyone else just fine, although it near enough killed me trying to keep quiet for so long. Thankfully, as darkness began to draw, the company stopped for camp on the edge of a cliff. They'd gotten a fire roaring to keep us all nice and warm, and half on the dwarves were now out cold and snoring. How I was going to get any sleep with all this racket, I had no idea. The only ones who remained awake now were Gandalf, Bilbo, Thorin, Balin, Fili and Kili. The latter two were both sat next to me, Kili on my right side, with Fili sprawled down next to him. It was quite peaceful, considering we were out in the wild. It was not something I would have ever though I would have enjoyed, but despite how numb my arse was becoming, it was actually quite relaxing.<p>

"You not tired yet?" Kili muttered, nudging me in the side lightly with his elbow. I nodded.

"Yeah but I've pretty much got a rock sticking up my arse...not that it matters, though, because my arse has become so numb it feels like it might fall off any second now," I smiled, before stifling a yawn, "The possibility of me falling asleep in such uncomfortable conditions is near enough non-existent," Kili merely chuckled.

"If you were that uncomfortable you should have just said something. Here," He reached over for his pack, pulling out a bedroll, "Use this,"

"But what about you?"

"I'll be fine, don't you worry about that, it's not as if I have 'a rock sticking up my arse' or anything," He replied, laughing at my earlier saying. I smiled , snuggling into the bedroll.

"Well, if you-"

The silence in the air around us was broken by the most terrifying, blood-curdling shriek I have ever heard. The thought of sleeping vanished from my mind instantly. Whatever it was, it was near, and it didn't sound friendly. "What in the name of-"

"Orcs." Kili stated, as another scream rang through the air.

"Orcs?" Bilbo demanded. He sounded just as scared as me, which was a relief.

"Throat-cutters," Fili said, a dark look upon his face as he spoke up, "There'll be dozens of them out there. The lowlands are crawling with them."

"They strike in the wee small hours, when everyone's asleep. Quick and quiet, no screams, just lots of blood," Kili added, smirking at his brother as Bilbo looked like he was about ready to faint again. The evil gits.

"You think that's funny?" Thorin asked, striding over and looking as majestic as ever. "You think a night raid by Orcs is a joke?" Kili looked crestfallen. I would have felt sorry for him, but to be honest, he did deserve it a little bit, scaring poor Bilbo like that. The poor hobbit was clearly having an even rougher time than me, adjusting to this whole adventure thing. He didn't need those two silly dwarves making it worse.

"We didn't mean anything by it," Kili muttered, staring hard at the ground.

"No. You didn't," Thorin glowered at them. "You know nothing of the world," And with a sweep of his majestic hair, he stalked over to the edge of the cliff, staring out over the valley.

Balin wandered over, a sympathetic look on his face as he studied Kili, who currently resembled a sad little puppy. "Don't mind him, laddie. Thorin has more cause than most to hate Orcs. After the dragon took the Lonely Mountain, King Thror tried to reclaim the ancient dwarf kingdom of Moria. But our enemy had got there first."

"Moria had been taken by legions of Orcs, lead by the most vile of all their race, Azog, the Defiler. The giant Gundabad Orc had sworn to wipe out the line of Durin. He began by beheading the King. Thrain, Thorin;s father, was driven mad by grief. He went missing, taken prisoner or killed, we did not know. We were leaderless. Defeat and death were upon us."

"That was when I saw him," Balin continued, a proud glint in his eyes, "A young dwarf prince facing down the Pale Orc." _Woah. _"He stood alone against this terrible fore, his armour rent...wielding nothing but an oaken branch as a shield," _Double woah._"Azog, the Defiler, learned that day that the line of Durin would not be so easily broken. Our forces rallied and drove the Orcs back. Our enemy had been defeated." _Triple wo- _Okay, you get the point. I literally sat there, opened mouthed, hanging onto Balin's every word as goosebumps ran up and down my spine. "But there was no feast, no song, that night, for our dead were beyond the count of grief. We few had survived."

Balin turned towards Thorin, looking at him with a proud glint in his eye, "And I thought to myself then, there is one who I could follow. There is one I could call King." Thorin turned his back on the edge of the cliff, a hard look in his eyes as noticed that the entire Company was awake now, standing in his wake, staring up at him, their faces shining with respect.

"But the pale orc?" Piped up Bilbo, pulling me out of my little daze. I quickly wiped away the small sum of drool that had slid out of my previously opened mouth, quickly glancing round to make sure no one had seen. Thank God they were all too busy gawking at Thorin still. "What happened to him?"

Thorin made his way towards the fire, "He slunk back into the hole whence he came. The filth died of his wounds long ago." There was a note of finality in his voice, indicating that story time was clearly over. There was a small scramble, in which the rest of the company slumped back to what they had been doing before Balin's tale, which, let me tell you, had been thrilling. It really made me respect Thorin more. Made me understand a tiny bit better why he was the way he was. Cold. Grumpy. Untrusting. It made me realise what lengths he had gone to, to protect his kingdom. His people.

His home.

* * *

><p><em>(AN) I was so unsure about the innuendo bit, like, would middle-earth even **have** innuendos? Probably not, but they do now! Anyways, thank you for the faves, alerts, views and reviews! I really appreciate it :3_

_Also, if any of you for some absurd reason want to follow me on Twitter or Tumblr the links are on my profile ;)_

_Guest – Thank you :')_

_Couch Potato – Thank you for your kind review, I'm glad you think so :')_

_Qoheleth – Actually, I did look it up before I even started writing the story. I don't know if you've read Harry Potter and the Philospher's Stone properly, but at the very start of the 4th paragraph of the first chapter it states 'When Mr and Mrs Dursley woke up on the dull, grey Tuesday our story starts, there was nothing about the cloudy sky outside to suggest that strange and mysterious things would soon be happening,'. That's what I was referencing ;')_

_hedera6799 – Thank you! I plan to take Flora and Kili's relationship quite slow, I'm not that fond of fics were the OC falls for the character straight away either :')_

_misscoco - Thank youuu! :'3_

_Guest - I'm glad you liked them! :')_


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